You know how every time you switch on Animal Planet and then they’d be showcasing critters like elephants, apes & chimps or lions & tigers? sometimes you do get to watch really cool creatures like sharks and crocs but most of the animals shown are pretty lame. one thing I noticed though is that nobody has done a documentary abt tapirs before (at least I haven’t seen one). tapirs are cool too you know. since that was the case, I thought that maybe I'd bask the guys under the spotlight and have their share of 15 minutes of fame.....
also known as ‘tenuk’, tapirs are funny-looking animals which are related to rhinos and horses. they eat mainly fruits and plants, but bananas is definitely a favorite. retaining many prehistoric characteristics, these "living fossils" are seemingly docile creatures but when angry, they're unmistakably strong and can probably open a can of whoop ass on any animal that threatens them. I remember back when I was 8, there was this episode of Kamen Rider (aka ‘Masked Rider Black’) where the hero had to face the all-powerful ‘Tapir Man’. for awhile, our bug-faced protagonist was actually helpless when the karate-kicking tapir beat the shit out of him with its incredible strength. wow, after all that I’m still wondering why we have yet to see a comic book superhero modeled after tapirs. that’d be awesome!
although bulky in appearance and size, tapirs are good climbers, scaling steep slopes with relative ease. they're surprisingly agile too and they can even out-maneuver dogs (take that Lassie). with a skin tough as hard leather, tapirs can crash through the jungle like a tank at an amazingly fast speed. I guess it's not a good idea then to piss off a tapir by calling him names and then trying to run away when you’re in the jungle.
"ooohh you like that don'tcha?"
tapirs are quite smart too. they may look like clumsy animals, but they can turn on a dime, figure out how to open a standard round doorknob, turn on water taps in the tub, drink water from a Coke bottle and even nibble carefully from a fork. hell, with that kind of intelligence I wouldn’t be surprised if a tapir could score a full 1600 in the SATs. these guys could put Einstein to shame!
one important thing abt tapirs is that they're good swimmers. they can also walk on the bottom of ponds and rivers like four-legged submarines to escape predators. so if you're drowning in a swimming pool or somewhere, you can bet you ass that a tapir can come to the rescue ala Baywatch style, complete with all of that red-orange outfit and bouncing mammary glands. now how cool is that??
I seriously don’t know why some (if not most) ppl are not amazed at these marvelous creatures. there’s sth so sexy abt them...given the opportunity, I might even keep one as a pet. I was chatting w/ a friend of mine the other day and she was talking abt how she loved horses since they’re beautiful creatures of grace and power. heh, if I had a tapir, I bet my beloved black & white beast can kick any horse's ass any time, any day. maybe I could even do battle with her prized horse against my precious tapir, Pokémon style. now that would definitely rule. "lo and behold the glorious and mighty tapir king"
