Ohhh crap...it's morning already.waking up with a breath that still reeks of stale coffee from yesterday's study session, I drag myself lazily from the bed, the eye crusts somewhat semi-blinding me as I make my way to the computer. as I began to open my Inbox to check for any e-mails, I stared out of the window for a few moments...it was then that I noticed the sky has cleared and most of the snow were no more...
the past few weeks have been hell for me. last week I had to struggle for an econs exam on Wednesday and later on Friday, since judd was leaving for good the next day, we decided to have a farewell dinner for him. while aziz (a fellow former student) helped cook briyani (rice,chicken and everything), I thought I wanted to prepared sth special for the occasion, so I ended up baking sheperd's pie. not only the thing was quite tiresome and time-consuming to prepare (spent the whole day rushing around to get ingredients and stuff), but I had to spend the entire evening serving & treating the guests (I was one of the hosts). the dinner itself was memorable (and surprisingly my pie tasted great!...mmmm...."pie"...) but shit, that was just plain exhausting for me...
just this week I had 2 more exams. the first one, Human Sexuality sucked ass. I spent days studying and reading the goddamn textbook and on the day of the exam itself, I felt like I just crapped 20 kilos worth of shit when I started reading the questions. I read lotsa bullshit abt the impacts of sexuality on society and suddenly I'm expected to identify the many areas of the female genitalia? I knew instantly that I was screwed. when the exam was over, I walked out in utter disappointment, knowing the fact that I'm probably gonna flunk on that paper. I felt that the only way to make myself feel better was to commit suicide by having someone shoot a projectile diarrhea right through my head. ohhh...the pain and agony of failure...
still reeling from the pain of disappointment from my Human Sexuality exam, the next day I had to pull the strings to make sure the Malaysian Night event that was to be held later in the evening went well. as the Program Director, I was nervous as hell. this was the first time I was directly responsible for sth really big. frankly speaking, the whole thing was a mess. since everyone was so busy w/ their exams, we didn't actually have any time for rehearsals. most of the times, we only communicated via msn messenger. but what really ticked me off was when some shitty, irresponsible skank didn't show up when she was expected to. boy...I sure felt like kicking her in the groin repeatedly that night...still, as always everything turned out quite okay. in fact, many people actually complimented our efforts to put up a great show that evening...
when the curtains came down and everything was finally wrapped up, I felt a slight relief. the event has been bugging me for weeks. I knew that if it turned out shitty it would be on my head. still, deep down inside I was actually proud of myself that I managed to turn the whole thing into a considerable success. sure, there were flaws but if ppl could compliment us for doing it, it can't be that bad right? then again, a part of me also hopes that I don't hafta do anything like this in the near future. being the worrywart that I am, I tend to be nervous and anxious about everyone and everything more than I should, so that was probably the reason I was quite tensed about the whole thing. of course I kept cool abt it so as not to lose face to my "subordinates" but dang, I still hate to go through the same thing again....
and just last night I had my accounting exam. now I must confess that I never liked accounting. I've always thought of it as the illegitimate child of mathematics and maybe econs. nonetheless, I forced myself to stay awake late at night to go through the necessary materials. I felt so fucked up that I actually dozed off while reading and this was just a few hours before the exam. again, I thank God that when the whole thing was finally over. I felt like the greatest burden that has been plaguing my mind has finally been lifted. I think it's like that great, pleasurable feeling when you smoke marijuana or maybe when you eat hallucinogenic mushrooms...
now when I look back at the past two weeks, many things have happened and most of them turned out fine for me. I still have a project and some exams for my business technology class next week and the week after, but I guess the sun's finally shining up for me. a lot of what I consider dreadful things have been bothering my mind lately, but bit by bit they all seem to disappear...just like the terrible chills of winter slowly fading away....
I guess it has been awhile indeed since I felt calmness...the peace and tranquility that I long yearned for was finally mine. and maybe because of this reflection of events that I'm having, going through the hardships I face one by one, it makes it all more worthwhile. it's kinda strange....to be in total turmoil and chaos back then and everything's suddenly quiet and calm right now...in many ways it's kinda similar with the current seasonal transition between winter to spring....
now looking back....I'm still surprised how the snow I saw that day was so white......
