Ahhh..nothing beats the pleasure of breaking wind no? yup, when you're sleepy while listening to the professor flappin' his mouth on and on in the lecture hall, while you're bored while watching your fave tv show or even when you're just pissed off at someone for making fun of you, a good old- fashioned fart can always make your day...
back home, I always pick on my sister by farting in front of her face(yes, I'm that cruel) just for laughs. hey, don't blame me. I mean, I'm bored cuz I never had a younger brother who I can mess around with. I have several really young cousins who I enjoy beating the crap out of in a game of wrestling(though since I'm older, I'm always the one who ends up waving the white flag) but its not the same as having your own punching bag that you can play with 24/7. I used to ignore the boundaries that distinguish between boys & girls by actually slapping my sister in submission holds and torturing her and I must admit, it was fun! but my mom got fed up w/ my violent tendencies so I had to give up on that. so I turned to the only other option available to irritate my kid sister, the joys of anal emissions.
I remember back in my primary school days, when I just loved to mess with my buddies by suddenly laughing in an insanely manner before letting it rip. of course, it didn't take too long before everyone noticed that 'look' in my eyes when I smile at them sinisterly. here in bloomington, I actually compete farts with some of my seniors to see who has the best sound, the longest fart in succession and the award of the nastiest smell.yup, thats right. we're so bored(and sick) over here that we have nothing else better to do than to catch each other by surprise before releasing our deadly gaseous emissions.
hmmm..speaking of which, I recall several fart-related stories that made me cry laughing when I first heard them. there was this guy who went out on a date with his gf for lunch, and as the couple were abt to get into the car, the gentleman couldn't hold his intestinal gases any longer so he quietly farted while hoping his loved one wouldn't catch him doing the dastardly deed. to his dismay however, the girl found the stench so offensive that she actually puked(yes, you read that right) and scolded him immediately. believe it or not boys and girls, that was a true story. a fart that actually made someone barf. talk abt deadly eh?
the same guy also shared with me another frightful fart experience he had. it was in the middle of the night or sth, and he was just innocently walking around minding his own goddamn business, and just as he was abt to walk over the slumping body of a cousin who was already long gone to La-La-Land on the floor, something grabbed his arm. shocked, he felt slightly relieved it turned out that it was the sleeping dude holding him. however, to his horror the jerk suddenly pulled his hand to his butt and just farted!!! and he was still closing his eyes!!! my God! that was so fucked up man!!! I couldn't help but cry laughing out of pity and hilarity. I sure hope I get to do that to my sister when I go back....
actually, there was also this one time a girl we knew farted and tried to deny the whole thing. it was during this 'fart war' I had with a senior many months ago , and we were trying to outdo each other with the best gas we can come up with. there were 4 of us in the car (3 guys and a girl) and we were driving home from the supermarket to the masjid because one of us had to pick up his car over there. while we were waiting for him to start the car, suddenly my nose caught something foreign in the air. I recognized it in an instant. it was definitely the smell of the silent killer.the thing is, it was so incredibly foul since I never smelled anything so awful like it. I was already looking at my senior when I asked whether it was his work or not. he simply replied "no"...and so I turned to miss "A" who was sharing our space in the car. "A"(I'm not gonna disclose her identity just in case she threatens to smash my genitals repeatedly against a lamp post. trust me ppl, it hurts) denied vehemently but I know better. who else could it be?
later "A" chased me around the parking lot, screaming incoherently at me when I told her to confess her crime. I mean whats so bad abt admitting that you just farted? is it so embarassing to admit it if you're a woman? we guys do it all the time and we(some if not most) seem to enjoy it. seems to me a serious case of denial there...oh well, at least we all know the truth.....
- posted by imcp
@ 3:30 PM
