I realize a large part of my daily life nowadays is spent on surfing the net. no I don’t look for porn, at least not much anymore…somehow, I got the feeling that ever since watching pics and images of nekkid women became so easy, it’s not fun anymore. instead, I lurk around forums (e.g. Fark.com) or message boards, reading about people’s various ideas and opinions on a wide-variety of matters, some of them pertaining to specific subjects that interest me (like Yu-Gi-Oh!, games or religion) and some just out of sheer curiosity. either that, or I’d read the some articles on Wikipedia.
I dunno why, but for some reason, I’ve always loved reading encyclopedias. hell I would even dare to say that I’ve spent more time reading them compared to novels, books, text-books or even comics throughout my whole life. no it has nothing to do with me wanting to be smart so I that could show off to the whole world. it’s just a peculiar habit I developed since childhood. while most of my peers are busy enjoying their fantasy-themed worlds of heroes or romance in novels/comic books, I find it more interesting to just open an encyclopedia and read some random, trivial shit that nobody really cares about. at the early age of 8, I already knew what the world map looked like (at first, it confused me like hell because I originally thought each country was like a separate piece of land), which was approximately 2 years before the map was formally introduced into our Alam dan Manusia class. and then there were those times I read about whales, Roman + Greek mythology, and dinosaurs (you know, I’ve always dreamed of seeing that T-Rex skeleton at the museum in Chicago ever since I laid my eyes upon that pic in one of the volumes of the Children’s Encyclopǽdia Britannica), yeah those were great memories indeed. I guess that would explain why some ppl are genuinely surprised why I seem to be quite knowledgeable despite being a dim-looking, lazy-ass slacker.
one thing that I noticed is that my habit of spending a lot of time in these forums & reading Wikipedia articles gave me the opportunity to learn a lot of new ideas, terms, sayings, concepts, expressions and quotations. some of them are also obtained through my own experiences in life (e.g. my 5 years in SDAR) or through the various tv shows, movies, comic books or video games that I watch/read/play regularly. since I actually use some of these terms, phrases & quotations in my daily life (or in my blog entries) I thought, maybe it’d be easier to just compile a list of ‘em so you ppl could refer and understand better what the hell I’m talking abt every time I mention them. kinda like my own encyclopedia of sorts. hell, I’ve even taken the liberty to explain their origins and some examples for the context of use:
1) ‘Jedi’ (“jay-die”): a girl who wears a headscarf (tudung in Malay) - a term that was originally used by buddy Mero (who’s also somewhat of a Star Wars nut like myself). since the Jedi (a group of mystical knights in the Star Wars universe)are sometimes seen with a hooded cloak (to conceal part of their faces), Mero probably used the term to generalize any women with headscarves as they are reminiscent of a hooded Jedi knight. I myself liked it so much I began to adopt it for my own usage and have been popularizing it to others ever since. another equivalent term used by Bertha (aka ida) is ‘Lightbulb’ (because the heads of girls with headscarves resemble like light bulbs).
2) ‘Makhluk’ (“magh-lok”): a Malay word which means ‘creature’ - this is a term I use when I’m trying to call someone and I forgot (or don’t know) his/her name. sometimes I like to use it to just plainly annoy ppl (usually girls). e.g.: “eh makhluk, sini kejap!” (oi creature, c’mere!)
3) ‘Fugly’ (“fahg-lee”): really horrible, disgusting-looking - I know I’ve mentioned it in an entry before, but I’ll still explain it anyways. besides, there’s no harm in reiterating sth right? the term comes from ‘fucking + ugly’, and is used widely on the internet and in conversational American language. I generally use it to make a distinction between a normal-looking person and someone who doesn’t even look human at all.
4) ‘Category F’ (“ka-te-go-rie è-ffu”): a group of fugly people -the term originally came from a favorite anime show of mine, After War Gundam X. in the show, the main villains, Shagia and Olba Frost, are labeled by this term to indicate their status as rejects within the faction they work for (they were rejected because they don’t have this certain special power that the faction needs). since the term was so memorable, I began associating the ‘F’ with ‘fugly’ and used it to describe a group of people who I consider to have severe aesthetic deficiencies.
5) ‘Butterface’ (“ba-te-rr fèy-iss”): a chick with a hot-looking body but a face only a mother could love (literally speaking that is). -a term I found on Fark.com. unlike fugly girls, chicks with butterfaces are still fuckable if you cover the face with a grocery bag or sth (kinda like that scene in Scary Movie 2).
6) ‘1337’ (“lee-t”): language that was originally used by hackers. -also known as ‘leet speak’ (which is the contraction of ‘elite speak’) hackers used a unique (or rather stupid) way of spelling/typing things to distinguish themselves from the rest of us. examples of leet speak include j00 (‘you’), hax0rs (‘hackers’), sp33k (‘speak’) pr0n (‘porn’), w00t (‘what’) teh (‘the’) and ghey (‘gay’). over the years, leet speak eventually got into mainstream net language, its influence most felt especially in online games like Warcraft 3, Starcraft and Counter-Strike. terms like pwned (“own-ed”) which means getting your ass kicked is another good example of leet speak which has been assimilated into the standard net language.
7) ‘Gosu’ (“goe-suu”): being extremely skilled in games like Warcraft/Starcraft - I’ve mentioned this term in The King of Games so I’m not gonna elaborate much more. in Korean, gosu literally means ‘exceptional’ or ‘superior’ (source: Urban Dictionary).
8) ‘Troll’ (“trr-ole”): an individual who likes to cause mischief and mayhem by posting provocative/annoying messages in forums or tagboards to cause heated arguments. - I already covered this whole trolling phenomenon in a previous entry. check it out over here
9) ‘Noob’ (“nuu-bb”): a newbie who doesn’t know much abt sth, sometimes I use it to refer to Nublie. - see The King of Games
10) ‘Jambu’ a.k.a ‘Guava’ (“ja-mm-boo”): a guy who looks cute/has feminine features. -in male single- sex schools, gay tendencies amongst the students run rampant. so to relieve themselves from the absence of girls, the men look for the next best thing: a jambu. some of them might even get into disputes and fights to decide who gets to be with a particular jambu. the term is probably derived from the Malay word ‘jambu’(not the fruit) which is actually used to describe girls with cute/baby-like physical traits. how it ended up having homosexual connotations is beyond my comprehension. like some of the terms I mentioned above, I’ve already addressed this issue abt jambu in my entry School Daze. in schools like TKC, the female equivalent of jambu is called a ‘Starter’ (where the hell did they come up with these terms?)
11) ‘Ronggeng’ (“wrong-gang”): fuck, copulate, sexual intercourse, screw, get laid. -this was a term used by my batch members back in SDAR. if I’m not mistaken, ronggeng is actually a name for a Malay dance. the guys might have used it because it sounds similar to ‘Romen’ (“roe-man”), a bastardization of the English word ‘romance’ that carries the same exact meaning. e.g. “aku dengar ko ronggeng ngan jambu ko semalam” (I heard you fucked your jambu last night)
12) ‘Semak’ (“se-muck”): a state of being utterly distressed, mentally fucked up -another SDARian term (usually used by seniors) used when you vent frustrations esp around exam periods. term originates from the Malay word ‘semak’, which means messy. e.g. “arghh!!! semak kepala otak aku!!” (arghh!! I feel so fucked up!!)
13) ‘Kambo’ (“ka-mm-boe”): grope, fondle -yet another SDARian term. normally used by people who are accusing someone of attempting to grope/fondle another guy. e.g. “wei ko nak kambo aku ke bangsat?” (hey, are you trying to grope me ya bastard?)
14) ‘Puk-Sha’ (“pook-shaa”): the verbal sound effect used when someone is trying to kambo another person. -the term is only known by a few in SDAR. it is originally an actual sound effect used in the Hong Kong comic ‘Sea Tiger’ (better known in Malaysia by the dub name Pendekar Laut) by Wan Yat Leung. in the later issues, one of the main characters is captured and tortured by a group of homosexual men (complete with the Village People’s YMCA song lyrics in the background) and during one of the scenes, the torturers began to grope the main character’s ass which is accompanied by the sound effect “Puk-Sha!” (don’t ask me how the bizarre sound effect came to being like that. the comic’s sound effect for a punch was even more ridiculous: it was ‘Klong!’ imagine that. some guy gets punch repeatedly and the sound effects that follow are Klong! Klong! Klong!). the guys in my batch thought it would be funny to pay homage to the comic (it was one of our favorite comics back then) and started using it verbally whenever someone gets fondled or his ass slapped.
15) ‘Mendak’ (“me-nn-duck”): being extremely lazy, unenergetic, lethargic -a SDARian batch 96’0 exclusive, it is used to describe someone who doesn’t play sports or engage in any physical activity, opting to spend most of his time sleeping or doing nothing (basically a human sloth). the term comes from ‘mendakan’, which is Malay for chemical residue that lumps together near the bottom of the jar after a Chemistry experiment has been conducted. the residue lumps together very slowly and remains inactive at the bottom, which fits the description of slothful ppl who are referred by this term. since my batch was using it so widely, its usage eventually became known to other batches in the school. e.g. “oi, pegi laa bersukan ke ape. ni manjang dok mendak dlm bilik jer” (go and play sports or sth. you’re always lazing around like a sloth in the room).
16) ‘Poen’ (“poe-ènn”): the nickname of my former debate mentor. - it’s supposedly a slang term originating from the northern part of Malaysia that carries a ‘unique’ meaning. I never knew what it actually meant until sometime later. for those who are clueless to what it means, I suggest you ask a friend from Kedah or Penang to explain it to you. back then, I find it disturbingly funny when some of the female debaters call him by that nickname (either they really don’t know what it means or they just simply don’t mind calling a dude a female private part). imagine if I were to call you girls ‘penis'....my God that is so fucked up…
17) ‘TLC’ (“tea-èl-see”): the initials of my nickname in SDAR - back when I was in Form One, my Form 5 seniors bestowed upon me the nickname ‘Talek’ (or sometimes spelled ‘Tarleck’ or 'Talleque'), as an attempt to make fun of one of their own batch members who goes by the name Imran Bukhari bin Talhah (yes, mocking people’s last names was permissible over there). so there was this one time that my batch got into this whole fad of making three-letter initials for their names/nicknames. my buddy paa for instance, whose original nickname was ‘chequn’ (“chee-koon”) used ‘CQN’, a buddy named Yusazlie used ‘USE’, Cobain became ‘CBN’, Black became ‘BLC’ and so on. deciding to jump into the bandwagon, I thought hard to come up with a very recognizable and memorable initial of my own and came up with TLC (yeah, I pretty much relied on the popularity of that black chick R&B group of the same name because it’s easily identifiable). if you know somebody currently studying in SDAR (a brother, cousin or friend) who happens to use a text book that might have the letters TLC scribbled in the pages/on the cover, you can bet your ass that the book once belonged to me. I stopped using the initials after I left the school, part of the reason being that people always misinterpret it as a short form for ‘Tender, Loving, Caring’ (wtf were those ppl thinking?).
18) ‘Tits’ (“tee-ts”): slang for awesome/cool - no, it has nothing to do with nipples. can’t remember where I first learned it (prolly on the net) Girl A: “did you hear that liyana jamil actually beat up that chauvinistic bastard imcp recently?” Girl B: “really? oh man, that is the tits!”
19) ‘Mofo’ (“mow-foe”): the special term I use to call my housemate Ikram to tell him lunch/dinner is ready. e.g. “oi mofo, jom makan” (oi mofo, let’s eat)
20) ‘Rubber-Tapper’ (“rab-ber tap-per”): a censored variation of mother fucker -introduced by my jolly senior Ajeep, the term is used as a substitute for mother fucker when talking in front of girls, in the same way that ‘fark’ is used for fuck, ‘biatch’ is used for bitch, ‘shiat’ for shit, ‘barbie’ for babi (a Malay cuss word which literally means pig) and ‘pokèmon’ for pukimak (another Malay cuss word). the reason why the word rubber tapper was chosen was because the last part ‘tapper’ sounds similar to ‘fucker’ in ‘mother fucker’.
21) ‘Shart’ (“sha-rrt”): a fart which is unintentionally accompanied by shit (which is presumably liquefied). -I came to know this term after watching Ben Stiller’s Along Came Polly. the local term Malays use for the same thing is ‘kincit’. e.g. “Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.” (quote from the movie)
22) ‘Tentacles’ (“tèn-ta-kel-ss”): fucking weird ass alien/demonic monster that loves raping Japanese school girls (esp in locker rooms) for some unknown reason. -if you are familiar w/ the concept of ‘hentai’, then I bet you would immediately know what the hell I’m talking abt. I’d describe more into detail, but then I thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea to elicit extremely disturbing mental images that even I could not stomach.
23) ‘OMGWTFBBQ’ (“oh-mai-gawd-wat-de-fak-bar-be-qiu”): unlike WTF, OMG (or the more ‘extreme’ OMFG) this term is actually meaningless and makes no sense whatsoever. still, like the other three, it’s used as a response to sth surprising/shocking and is comparable to expressions like ‘Holy Fuck!!??!’ or ‘Holy Shithole’. in a way you could say that the term is a mockery of the many internet acronyms that we use today. Idiot #1: “did you hear that the imcp now has a girlfriend?” Idiot #2: “OMGWTFBBQ??!!! are you kidding me?”
24) ‘the Chewbacca Defense’(“de-choo-ba-ka dee-fen-se”): satirical term for any legal strategy that seeks to overwhelm its audience with nonsensical arguments and thus confuse them into failing to take account of the opposing arguments and, ultimately, to reject them (quoted from Wikipedia) -unless you’re a dedicated fan of South Park/you’ve spent some time at Fark.com, chances are you wouldn’t get this really obscure comical reference. in a second season South Park episode, Johnnie Cochran (the black lawyer who successfully defended OJ Simpson) represented a major record company in a lawsuit against Chef for harassment, in which Chef (a character from the show) accuses the company of copyright violation. in court, Cochran resorts to the Chewbacca Defense which “he used in the Simpson trial”. here’s an excerpt of his argument from the episode (again courtesy of Wikipedia):
“Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense. If it doesn't make sense, you must acquit! If it doesn't make sense, you must acquit! The defense rests. Look at the monkey."
25) ‘All your base are belong to us’ (“awl yor bèy-ss ahr bee-long tuu ahs”): a popular ‘Engrish’ phrase, which basically means “you guys just got pwned!!” - the phrase actually came from the European port of the Japanese Sega Mega Drive game, Zero Wing (during the opening cut scenes). it then became a part of the ‘Internet Phenomenon’ (net fads like the Bonsai Kitten or that 10 yr old grilled cheese sandwich auctioned on eBay that has a supposed semblance to the Virgin Mary) around 2001/2002 and used in various message boards and flash animation clips. eventually, the phrase was so well-known (at least to net geeks), that various comics, video games and tv shows made cultural references abt it. nevertheless, it’s still considered another obscure reference not known by many, which probably explains why my housemate Ikram never understood why I was laughing when one of the alien invaders uttered the phrase in an episode of Futurama.
26) “Apakah Neraka?” (“aa-pa-kah ne-ra-ka”): a stupid Malay translation of the English phrase ‘What the Hell?’ - can’t remember who told me this, I think it was Redz, a buddy of mine who’s currently studying in Wisconsin, Madison.
27) “Tisu…tisu…” (“tee-shoo tee-shoo”): the most memorable line from a famous Malay porn clip -for those wondering, this is the only thing that makes that notorious Wan Nor Azlin porn clip worth watching. I laughed so hard, I think I nearly died from suffocation after listening her say those magical words.
28) “I’d Hit it!” (“ait-hid-did”): translated as “I would definitely not mind having sexual relations with that woman” -a phrase commonly used by farkers on Fark.com as a cool (but admittedly shallow) way of rating a girl’s physical appearance (if she’s beautiful or gorgeous-looking that is). McDonald’s once tried using the phrase as a slogan, which begs me to wonder if they’re trying to catch up with the use of ‘hip language’ or they’re really trying to promote ppl into fornicating their Big Macs.
29) “Talk to the Hand” (“tok-tuu-de-hèn”): a very irritating way to brush off ppl you can’t be bothered to talk to (hand can be placed in front of the person’s face for maximum effect) -I originally “borrowed” the line from my own second elder sister who likes brushing off ppl. perhaps, the most memorable time I used it was during a classical confrontation with this female English debater from SMAP Labu (whom I shall not name here) back in high school. it was after some debate at this school in Seremban, and since I was tired and she was babbling some shit I couldn’t bother to listen to, so I simply uttered the line to ignore her. obviously, she got pissed and (presumably) vowed to exact revenge by letting me have a taste of my own medicine. a few months later, during this major debate competition in Kedah, I was having a nice chat w/ the SMAP Labu English debaters at this dining hall. it was already late (like past 11 or sth), when the following conversation occurred:
imcp :“bla...bla... bla...” [talking to the girls abt some debate shit] vindicated girl: “hey imran, talk to the hand!” *proceeds to show her hand* imcp :“......” [long pause] *stares her blankly while blinking eyes repeatedly* “ummm...y-yeah...I-I really don’t know how to say this to you....but uhhh....I-I wasn’t talking to you...I was talking to her [points to another girl sitting in front]...ummm...sorry...” vindicated girl: *probably thinking to herself* OMGWTFBBQ???!!! [face becomes all red from embarrassment]
Moral of the story: don’t ever mess with me. you will be pwned no matter what.
30) ‘IMCP’ (“ayèm-see-pee”): the most electrifying mcp on God’s Green Earth. - the ultimate enemy of womankind. he is known to some as a creative, poetic, artistic and even sarcastically funny person, all of them ridiculous allegations which vehemently denies. he does have a unique flair and mastery in the English language though, a talent which enables him to hone his skills in delivering jabs, insults and one liners which he is notoriously known for. although he may sometimes appear to be a smartly dressed man who looks charming and deceivingly intelligent (all the while emitting a certain aura of charisma to those around him), make no mistake: he is a vile, and utterly diabolical creature with a sick and perverse mind and an even more twisted imagination to boot. plus, he’s a good cook too.
note: I will be having an essay-writing competition to see if anyone could write an essay that uses all of the stuff I mentioned above. it’s open to anyone who’s stupid enough to actually do it, and the winner gets absolutely nothing from me.
I’m already feeling lazy to continue typing. maybe I’ll add s’more entries in the encyclopedia in the future or sth (that means 6 months or a year from now. that or until I have a girlfriend of my own, which is when Hell has frozen over and platypuses start flying out of my butt).
(yeah, no comics this time. but I’m currently in the works for my next batch of strips. I’ll prolly publish ‘em next month or whenever I feel like it, depending on my mood.)
