You know there's something wrong with you when you constantly end up going to the wrong floor and knock on the wrong apartment, only to suffer nothing but utter humiliation when you realize your stupid mistake at the last minute. it's even worse when you could be so preoccupied with sth on your mind that you don’t realize you’re abt to cycle directly into a lamppost and then somehow squash your genitals as a result of the collision. now typically one shouldn't really be bothered by such trivial matters, but when such cases happen all too frequently, you can’t help but wonder if you’re already turning senile or suffering some kind of mental illness of some sort.
yeah, for some reason I’ve been having this problem of concentrating/focusing w/ my mind. since the blunders are sometimes very embarrassing, I find ‘em too disturbing to be ignored. one time, I got back to the apartment in the afternoon feeling all tired & thirsty, I just opened the refrigerator to pour myself a drink. I guess it was the fatigue from all that cycling (or maybe just pure stupidity) that I didn’t realize I was actually pouring orange soda into a bowl. by the time I noticed what I was doing, it was already half full. imagine that. and let’s not forget that one time when I felt so bored, I plopped myself on the couch in the living room to watch tv, only to be frustrated because it won’t turn on even after I pressed the button on the remote repeatedly. seconds later, it finally struck me when I discovered that I was actually holding a telephone in my hand. oh God, I really need some serious help.
according to my housemate Ikram, I may have reached a level of stupidity that rivals Peter Griffin of Family Guy (how flattering Ikram; you bastard). yes, I admit that I’m a bit of an oddball and I have been known to do weird/strange things from time to time. hell, my own youngest sister even thinks I’m crazy (can’t blame her though. back home, when she’s watching tv, I’d roll on the floor and then wriggle around and then tell her “hey Lily, look! look! I’m a caterpillar!!” just to annoy her). but frankly speaking, I think it’s maybe because I tend to daydream and fantasize a lot. and my passion for video games, comic books, animes, toys, cartoon shows and sci-fi/fantasy novels ain’t really helping because it just keeps on reinforcing and boosting my already uncontrollable and excessive imagination.
sure, being very imaginative means I’m creative in some senses (which probably explains why I’m quite good w/ puns, wordplays and exaggerating things), but at the same time, communication can be a real pain because there are times when I unintentionally misinterpret/misunderstand what ppl are saying (w/ some of them having such dire results). it’s already bad enough that I have terrible hearing, but w/ a considerably extensive vocabulary and tendency to come up w/ the most bizarre imaginations possible, I guess it’s unavoidable that some of the conversations I have w/ ppl just end up having a totally different meaning altogether.
one time, I promised some friends I’d attend this debate finals a few years back. I coincidently bumped into several former debating buddies (yes, I’m talking abt you Rais and you too Firdaus) at the Crown Princess in Ampang a few weeks before the competition, and they told me that the event would be held “dekat” Pusat Sains Negara (the National Science Center). now in Malay, ‘dekat’ is literally translated as “near”, but sometimes it’s also used as a slang for “at”. so thinking that the event was “at” the National Science Center, I woke up early that morning, borrowed a camera from my roommate and took a cab all the way from Shah Alam only to end up at the wrong place. yup, I’ve been had (albeit unintentionally) by those bastards. and it was even fucking more embarrassing that the whole place was empty because it was closed for maintenance and cleaning (so I couldn’t cover up and pretend that I was visiting).
one other particular example was this ‘interesting conversation’ I had w/ one of the girls last winter:
imcp: [discussing w/ this quiet girl abt her relationship problem when another girl butts in to talk abt her views regarding her “close-minded grandmother”]
girl: eh imran, do you feel embarrassed if you have to buy me a “pad”? (referring to women’s maxi-pad or sanitary towel/napkin)
imcp: huh? what? a “pet”? w-why would I be embarrassed to buy you a pet?
girl: that’s why. some ppl are just so narrow-minded in their way of thinking, you know. my grandmother, when she’s buying a pad, she would ask the shopkeeper to wrap it in a newspaper. can you believe that?
imcp:... *shocked* [imagines an old lady in her 60s/70s reaching for the shopkeeper at the counter. she asks for a pet cat and tells him to wrap it in a newspaper. the shopkeeper obliges and grabs a brownish-grey kitten from a cage behind him. he then places the tiny cat on a piece of newspaper and then wraps it like some birthday present] *thinks to himself* OH MY GOD!!! what the hell is wrong w/ her grandmother? is she insane?
girl: ...and then to cover it up in front of my brothers/male cousins she would sometimes call it “bread”...
imcp:*eyes wide open in disbelief* WTF???!!!! w-what-- w-why in the world would you grandmother call it a “bread”?
girl: that’s why. I don’t know la. my grandmother would always tell us to keep quiet and hush it from my brothers or any male cousins. she even told us that we should be embarrassed if the men catch us buying it. I mean what’s the big deal w/ buying a pad?
imcp: *thinks to himself* indeed, what’s the big deal w/ buying a pet? [imagines the old lady carrying a red plastic bag w/ a newspaper-wrapped kitten inside it] *thinks again* man…that is sick and morally wrong umm...d-do you want to buy a pet or sth? are you planning to get a cat or a hamster?
girl: [apparently not listening to him and continuing her own rants] ...I mean I ask my boyfriend to buy pad for me sometimes and he doesn’t feel uncomfortable abt it. so what seems to be the problem? and then, bla, bla, bla...
imcp: uhhh... y-you know.. I-I really don’t think our apartment allows any pets in the building. well, m-maybe you could get a goldfish...
girl: [still oblivious to the fact that the conversation has already taken a different direction] ...I really don’t know la imran. do you have any ideas or opinions why some people would think that way?
imcp: I...I-I really can’t say...I mean I personally have no problem buying a pet for a girl...
girl: that’s why...I mean it’s only normal la for girls to buy pads, right? it’s sth they need. I mean if you have to buy a pad for your mother or sister, why should you feel embarrassed, right?
imcp: [finally catching on] *slaps forehead* ohh....owh!!! OHHH!!! you mean you were talking abt “pad”? as in women’s maxi-pad? holy shit. all this time I was thinking you were talking abt getting a house pet.... *thinks to self* oh God, that was embarrassing
yeah, one of these days I just might seek for therapy or sth.
