1. if you don't have enough money to buy textbooks (or you just happen to be an idiot who registers for literature classes almost every freakin' semester and is tired of spending 100+ on short novels that don't have much resell value) start visiting the library very often. just make sure you have good pre-made lies or half-true stories to feed your instructors and hope they don't actually notice why you never seem to bring the same edition of books as everyone else for class discussions. furthermore, the library's also a good place to take a nap/make out in-between classes.
2. the best classes should be sometime in the morning (around 11 am, but 9.30 am is still okay I guess). anything earlier than that requires you to actually wake up early. and if you're a lazy bastard like me, try to schedule your classes in such a way that you'd have an extra weekend or two (e.g. not taking any classes on Fridays).
3. get a bike and cycle to class everyday. even better, leave the apartment abt 10-15 mins before class and cycle like crazy to your destination. it's a really good form of exercise (and ppl actually wonder why I can maintain a rather "slim & petite figure"). of course if you're a guy, it's highly advisable to try and avoid taking too many bumps on the road because you could potentially squash your nuts on the seat which hurts like hell.
4. sitting in front of the class (esp. in lecture halls) is overrated. rarely do I ever encounter a problem hearing what the professor says or seeing what’s being written on the board when I'm sitting somewhere in the back (I like to compare it to the experience of watching movies at theatres. you get a better view not being in front.). besides, sitting in the back also gives you the opportunity to sleep in class a lot easier without being caught. that way when you're drooling in sleep it wouldn't necessarily be embarrassing because not many will notice it.
5. college life is dull, boring, and monotonous. everyday is practically the same. you can solve this problem by finding sth actually worthwhile to do when you're not busy studying or finding ways to flirt w/ that certain someone who's so far away, you pathetically consider your IM sessions as "cyber dating". get a job, be involved in extracurricular activities, get a hobby (video games + trading card games) or travel around if you can. if all else fails, it's always possible to ask a friend to take snapshots of yourself being sexually assaulted by a giant plushie duck.
6. college life can also be stressful (studies, bad relationships, drugs, whatever the fuck a typical college student could get into). here's some tips on how to cope up w/ the stress:
-the real man's way: blame it on everything and everyone but yourself. the world is unjust & unfair and you're nothing but a victim. bad grades? a conspiracy involving your professor and the university's registrar. relationship gone sour? your ex was a slut. problem w/ substance abuse? peer pressure. it was never your fault that you got into whatever mess you got yourself into. oh, and while venting your frustrations, be sure to go all psycho and start kicking chairs + tables and screaming for no apparent reason (the more dramatic, the better). -the women's guide: if you think that you're responsible for some kind of misfortune that befell on you, then you're probably right. yup, blame nobody but yourself you guilty whore. womenfolk make stupid decisions all the time, so it shouldn't be surprising why they usually end up doing sth that'll really fuck themselves up. you prolly got dumped because your gut resembles the multiple layers of roast beef in Arby's sandwiches and that you have eyebrows bushier than Adam Carolla's. your friend(s) hate you because you're a double-faced, backstabbing, conniving skank. oh and just so you know, the whole world doesn't like you either. ever contemplated suicide before? well stop thinking abt it and just get it over w/ bitch... -the imcp method: deny everything. all your problems will go away if you ignore them long enough.
you know how girls like to post pics of their feet + shoes on their blogs/friendster profiles? I thought maybe I'd join the bandwagon and posted an illustration of my right foot with a slipper. yeah, I know. it's sexy as hell.
7. procrastination pays. you usually come up w/ the strangest + creative ideas & arguments when the deadline is just around the corner (esp. on night before it's due). just be sure you have about 10-15 mins before class to print out the assignment and to get your ass to the class. (NOTE: this is highly unadvisable if you're an untalented loser who has to send essays to the Writing Services for proofreading. you need several extra days to send it to them before getting it back for rewriting anyways. and yes, for the record, I've never been to the Writing Services myself. not even once. it's actually more abt me being a lazy asshole who thinks that going there is too much of a hassle. besides, I'm confident abt my writing abilities and as a part-time grammar/spelling nazi, I've never had too much problem in those areas either). *ego-stroking session ended*
8. plagiarizing is a no-no when doing research papers. quote and write proper citations where necessary (although, I do suspect that most of the times, your undergrad instructor will prolly never even bother to verify any of sources mentioned). if you're desperately in need of research subjects/case theories/experimental observations etc, and you don't have enough time to obtain actual data, just make them up. be creative w/ the names to avoid being caught (e.g. your professor might be suspicious if you cited a "Dr. Fitzgerald Purplepoopypants" as your source. try combining the names of ppl you know to make it interesting and more believable).
9. coffee is a college student's best friend. when the deadline of an assignment or an exam looms near, drinking a hot cup of coffee helps you get through the night without accidentally dozing off. sometimes it even acts like a stimulant that gets you going whenever you're suffering from writer's block. of course, over consuming the black beverage and developing an incredibly high dependency on it could have disastrous results (e.g. you know you're not in good shape when your eyes are all red like a junkie, your breath reeks of stale coffee, visions can go slightly blurry at times, you start vomiting for no reason and you get easily annoyed at the smallest of things). but overall, I suppose these side-effects are negligible. in fact, if it weren't for the caffeine influence, I prolly wouldn't have been able to successfully remain awake throughout the period of that one time I decided to go w/o any slumber for 72 hrs. useless fact#1: I was able to make up for any lost hours of sleep by sleeping for abt 16 hrs when it was over. this was slightly less than my previous record of sleeping 18 hrs straight due to exhaustion. useless fact#2: I've been recently challenged by one of the guys to go w/o sleep for 4 days (96 hrs, no excuses). the stake is 20 USD. hmmm...more hot java for me then. will I make it through? tune in to find out...
10. blogging (which seems to be a favorite pastime of college students nowadays) is a fine way of improving one's writing skills (which definitely helps when taking any classes that require lotsa written assignments). it's sth that I actually enjoy doing; sth to pass time between rare moments of actually studying, letting out raunchy farts that smelled like death and playing video games. the blog itself is like a venue where you can express your creative side or vent whatever frustrations you have abt life. but then again, you know you've hit rock bottom when you start blogging abt lame "top 10 list" like this. yeah, I need to get a life.
