'Tis the season of storms and the scorching sun. although the constant rains are quite troublesome, I suppose I don’t mind ‘em as much as the cool showers seem to offset the unbearable heat from the blazing sun. what irks me though, is that the turbulent torrents pouring from the heavens always occur when I’m halfway cycling to a destination. it’s already bad enough that the intolerable heat makes traveling around campus feel like a journey through the desert, the last thing I need is getting heavily soaked in an unexpected downpour just 10 minutes after departure.
due to the crappy weather conditions I spend most of my time indoors nowadays, playing video games or sleeping. to avoid boredom, every once in awhile I'll do sth interesting (read:crazy) to amuse myself. for instance, just the other day I thought maybe I'd do sth really manly to pass time. since we've already seen men wrestle bears, gators or doing the rodeo on bulls and horses, so as the patron of all things macho & hairy I've decided to take it a step further: killer whale riding
holy shitballs! how awesome is that?
although I originally planned to ride a shark, but those assholes in that Mountain Dew commercial already did that so I chose the next best thing. besides, it's not like everyday you get to see Shamu getting severely pwned by an mcp. I mean think abt it... many generations from now, I'll be remembered as the iconic legend who rodeo'd w/ a freakin' orca. it's absolutely ingenious!!!
anyway, I happen to notice that summer is also the time when women seem to be wearing really revealing attires. I suppose the whole idea is that the warm sunshine gives them an excuse to wear sth more comfortable and sexy or some crazy shit like that. normally, any red-blooded male would find the idea of getting sneak peeks at exposed female flesh very enticing; that is, until a reality check dispels the illusion of this fallacious fantasy.
take the whale tail for instance. to the uninformed, a whale tail is the sight of a girl's thong or g-string which becomes exposed on her back when she walks, bends over or squats, usually while wearing a low-rise jeans or sth (thus forming a shape akin to a "whale's tail"). now you'd think that such a wonderful display of part butt and part female undergarment is a heavenly sight to behold, except that for one tiny detail: most of the girls who flaunt these whale tails are actual whales themselves. hey, I can appreciate any form of female exhibitionism just as much as the next straight guy but come on... this is just ridiculous. that there's absolutely nothing sexy abt seeing a wrinkled fatass no matter how small the thong or g-string is.
and girls, even if you’re not fat (actually, all girls are naturally fat, they're just in denial. as I always say, “denial is not just a river in Egypt y'know”), that's still no excuse to parade around w/ half of your butt exposed, especially when we can see that your asses are chock-full of stretch marks, boils, liver spots, scars, cellulite and God-knows-what else. I mean, what the hell is wrong w/ your ppl? I say it’s a crime against humanity when you tempt us w/ what was supposed to be "a boner-inducing spectacle of female beauty", and then it turns out to be a visual horror that warrants one’s eyes to be soaked in turpentine. IT’S FUCKING GROSS
“the real reason why kassim selamat went blind"
I can never understand why girls even bother to wear tiny, midriff-baring shirts or low-cut jeans. what’s so fashionable or comfortable abt wearing sth that always seem a size too small for you? it makes you look like a retarded kid who has to borrow clothes from your kid sister. plus, it also reveals some really unflattering parts of your body that no guy in his right mind should see. I can't remember how many times I've become so disappointed at the sight of cute (or at least decent-looking) chicks w/ nice racks, only to be horribly turned off at the immediate sight of their very apparent, bulbous bellies. let's face it , most (if not all) girls have bodies full of nasty, vomit-inducing features (unlike me of course. I have near-flawless skin. must be the hair all over my body. see? it does pay to be like a gorilla), so for the love of God, GET SOME DECENCY AND COVER UP!!
of course, I can already imagine certain moronic feminists arguing that what a woman wears is her personal choice, so why the hell should it matter to me? these supposedly open-minded dipshits believe that other ppl have no business to question an individual's choice (in lifestyle, fashion, beliefs or whatever) if it doesn’t concern them. well I say it concerns me because these unnecessary displays of flabby guts and disfigured butts contribute to what I call “visual pollution”.
"well why can't you just turn around and look the other way if you hate to look at it so much?"
why the hell must I be the one who has to look away every time I see your disgusting fatbodies? besides, no amount of flesh exposed could change the fact that you're either an overweight, walking sack of lard, or a delusional nitwit with an abomination of a body, so why even bother? seriously, where do women even get this idea that the whole world needs to see their flaccid bellies or their overpriced underwear for that matter, anyways? trust me when I say that it’s definitely one of Victoria’s Secrets that I never fucking wanna know or see.
mighty morphin' pig rangers kicking the asses of visual polluters everywhere in the name of justice and all things manly
gah, all this heat and ranting is making me delirious. now if you would excuse me, I have a killer whale to ride.
