The stars glittered like sparkling diamonds scattered all over the ebony-colored skies. I took a deep breath, allowing myself to be enveloped by the gentle morning breeze that was calm and cool. all seemed peaceful. every once in a while, a car or two would whiz pass by, their dark shapes and features betrayed by the bright, glaring streetlights in the distance. as hours went by, the cheerful chirping of crickets in the background was soon replaced by the singing of birds, soaring and scouring for grubs and berries for their morning meal. far in the horizon, colorful hues of violet, pink and orange fill the scenery, later followed by streaks of golden sunshine that would creep through my bedroom's curtain-covered window, signaling the arrival of a new day.
it's been awhile since I had the opportunity to just sit down and do absolutely nothing but enjoy the beautiful view before me in the wee hours of the morning. some ppl I know find it a rather strange or weird thing to do, but then again, these are the same ppl who think I'm crazy because I wanted to go to the museum in Chicago so badly just to see a freakin' T-Rex skeleton. a habit I picked up in high school, I would normally sit by the balcony and gaze at the heavens, admiring the simple beauty of the shining stars. it is during these times that my head is filled w/ thoughts of the ppl I care abt who are constantly apart, as I recollect old memories and ponder abt various questions abt life...
I gave the family a call this morning. more importantly, I had a long father-son talk w/ my old man; perhaps the longest conversation I've ever had w/ him in my entire life. I was desperately in need of his sage advice. up until now, I've always been confused w/ what the hell I wanted to do in my life. I've seriously considered several career paths that I could take upon the completion of my studies; things which I would really enjoy and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life doing. I grew up as a spoiled brat, and what I wanted, I had to have it. sure it's understandable I might have to hop between several jobs during my first 5 or 10 years or so, but I've always believed that my 'true career' will be sth that I've always wanted to do. of course, the realities of life is that sometimes you really don't have much of a choice but to take whatever offer that's available. it's only common nowadays that one could dream so much of doing one thing, only to spend the rest of your life doing sth totally different altogether. ain't that sad?
yes, there are times when I worry if my obsession to have everything my way could lead me into becoming another jobless bum. it's a well-known fact that you can never be too picky when it comes to finding a job and establishing your career. a childhood friend who recently graduated told me that he is among the 80,000 unemployed grads in Malaysia. sucks to be him. but then, every time I look at the stars and wonder abt my uncertain future, I couldn't help but also worry if someday when I'm old and wrinkled, I'd regret for the rest of my remaining miserable life that I never got to do what I really wanted to.
I guess you could say I'm sick and tired of trying to become like what most of my peers are striving to be. in the past few months, I came to the realization that I really don't want to end up like your typical corporate executive or some high ranking govt. official of sorts. the routine-like traits of such professions bore me. I want to do sth where I am given freedom w/ my own sense of creativity. sth that enables me to try out different things without being confined too much by work pressure. I myself am a loner and prefer dealing w/ as few ppl as possible. and for the love of God, Malaysia is fucking hot, so unless it's a really important formal occasion, I don't want to end up w/ a job that requires a suit and tie everywhere I go. it's retarded. period. and to me, money's never the primary issue when it comes to choosing a career. sure, we all want a comfortable life; to have wealth (which is essential to help you net a nice & wonderful spouse esp. in today's modern and ultra-materialistic society), fame, status and all...but personally, I'd prefer to live a lonely, messed up life, barely surviving to make ends meet, at the same time being able to realize my own wants and desires rather than live a lie, as if those childhood dreams and ambitions that I held so dear all these years meant nothing.
I want to leave a legacy. to be someone or do sth that ppl will remember by, even after when I'm long gone. it's not abt the fame or glory, but the recognition by others is like an acknowledgement of my existence; that I had led a life w/ a purpose. stupid as it sounds, at least if I happen to be successful, I'd die a happy man knowing that my life had some sort of meaning to it. no, I don't plan to be the next Neil Armstrong by landing on Jupiter or some planet (I'd prolly suffocate in the spacesuit from my own farts) and no, I don't plan to be the next "First Malaysian to [insert some trivial achievement done bazillion times by other ppl in other parts of the world]". I want an image of my own, a unique identity which I could always be remembered for. I want to be known as the guy who drew a portrait of a crowned tapir king that farted (see Tapirs Rule for details) or perhaps as a Gary Larson-wannabe w/ his own bizarre and twisted sense of humor (though, in this ultra-sensitive PC* era, I doubt anyone in Malaysia in his/her right mind would publish those disturbing cartoon sketches). hell, I could always follow the suggestion of a buddy and start writing my own books, starting off w/ 'How to become an annoying prick for DUMMIES', followed by 'IMCP's 12 Steps in becoming a true, Misogynistic Asshole'. and just for kicks, maybe a compilation of all of my works in one large book, aptly titled: 'IMCP: The Canon of Idiocies.'
*PC = politically correct
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTE: so as not to disappoint my 'fans' out there who come here just to read my stupid comics, here's a strip I came up w/ a few days ago.
"the new inbreeding feature included in the latest games has led to the rise of Pokemons having extramarital affairs"
come to think abt it, besides wanting to create the future of my career path by my own hands, I look back at my 21 years of life and I realize there are also many other things I haven't done. I want to go places. see the world and experience new things as they say. this is my 2nd time in the States, and I've been to England (twice), Netherlands (twice), France (twice), Italy, Japan, Belgium and Denmark (there may be more, but my memory sucks so that's all I could remember). except maybe for the last two, I bet most (if not all) Malaysians who've been fortunate enough to travel overseas have been to those countries, so visiting any of them isn't special anymore (hey, at least I can still brag what it feels like being in a Belgian flea market or taking a wild coaster ride at the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen). and such, I find it only more meaningful if I get to go to places and do stuff that most Malaysians haven't done/been to. I want to try taking a Turkish bath and visit the Grand Bazaar of Istanbul, see the magnificent Taj Mahal of India, fish at the port of Odessa in Ukraine, admire the historical Persian ruins of Persepolis in Iran, the Moai statues of Easter Island, Budapest in Hungary, Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam and more importantly, I still want to see that fucking T-Rex skeleton in Chicago (I was supposed to go there last Spring Break, until several ppl decided to bail out at the last minute).
speaking of traveling places, the guys and I might head towards the Big Apple later this summer (hopefully no one bails out again this time). given the opportunity, I don't even mind going all the way to Alaska to do my very own ice fishing. life's short and my stay here in the States is even shorter. before it's over, I might as well travel around, see and do new things while I can. anyway, all of this talk abt seeing things somehow reminds me of a song from my fave tv show, Family Guy:
You've Got a Lot to See! (sung by Brian Griffin, the dog)
The 60's brought, the hippy breed And decades later things have changed indeed We lost the values but we kept the weed You've got a lot to see!
The Reagan years, have laid the frame For movie stars to play the White House game We're not too far from voting Feldman, Haim You've got a lot to see!
The town of Vegas has, got a different face Cause it's a family place With lots to do... Where in the 50s, A man could mingle with scores, Of all the seediest whores Well now his children can too!
You've heard it from, the canine's mouth The country's changed, that is except the south And you'll agree... No one really knows my dear lady friend, Just quite how it all will end, So hurry cause you've got a lot to see...
The baldness gene, was cause for dread But that's a fear that you can put to bed They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head You've got a lot to see!
The PC age, has moved the bar A word like redneck is a step too far The proper term is country music star You've got a lot to see!
Our flashy cell phones, make people mumble gee whiz Look how important he is, His life must rule... You'll get a tumor, But on your surgery day The doc will see it and say: "Wow you must really be cool!"
(interlude by various characters) There's lots of things you may have missed Like Pee Wee and his famous wrist, Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye, That awesome Thundercats cartoon Neil Armstrong landing on the moon Neil Armstrong? Wait was he the trumpet guy? (end interlude)
So let's go see, the USA They'll treat you right unless you're black or gay-- Or Cherokee... But you can forgive the world and its flaws, And follow me there because, You've still got a hell of a lot, to see... You've got ..a .. lot ..to .. see!!
by the way, another year has passed and that means all of you asshats who thought I couldn't remain single till 28 have 6 years left. I seriously recommend that you guys start saving money so that you'll have enough dough to buy me my rightfully earned meals. heh, heh, heh.
